Saturday, April 4, 2009

25 random ways to open a can of tuna



1) Throw the can against a brick wall very vigorously while wearing a toga.
2) Engage the can and empathize with it so it opens up to you.
3) Spend 20 years studying the art of ninjutsu. then just smash it open with a rock.
4) Drive over it with a green 1955 VW Karmann-Ghia. (This may take a couple tries.)
5) Become a congressman then spend $50,000,000 on a program to discuss the can opening problem.
6) place the can under the feet of a teenager during a Jonas Brothers Concert.
7) Bungy cord and duct tape. (I won’t bother explaining how because it’s so obvious.)
8) Place can in yard stand 10 feet away and call out “Here tuna! Come on boy! Here boy!” till it exits the can excited and panting. (this is still in experimental faze.)
9) insult the tuna till it leaves the can in shame.
10) A shovel.
11) Crush the can by using Rush Limbaugh jowls (huge risk of loosing tuna with this method.)
12) can opener
13) Very delicately hold the can up to a spinning helicopter blade.
14) use them as horse shoes at a rodeo.
15) Ask the tuna nicely to please exit the premises.
16) manufacture a giant slingshot and fire the can into a kitchen where there will be a Large man anxiously waiting with a screwdriver and a jigsaw.
17) Stick it in a small cage filled with seagulls.
18) two words.... Angry Monkeys.
19) put it in a microwave with a car battery.
20) Raise our children with the knowledge and wisdom to develop new and innovative ways of opening a tuna fish can for generations to come.
21) Chuck Norris
22) Hit a High “C”
23) Ask my wife how.
24) Tell a teenager that the worse thing they could ever do in life is open that can.
25) Ask Obama to “hope” it open.